Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
