dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
