I have demons in me.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
So vagazzling was a success
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
