Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
