Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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