I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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