I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
