I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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