My friends, they love my intelligence
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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