he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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