ugly people sure do ruin things
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
