ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Did I show you my penis last night?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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