i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
