Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
No subtext here. People are naked.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
