you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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