i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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