She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
People with herpes should wear stickers.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize
