Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
