You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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