i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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