Just mADE A PArabola og urine
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
the raccoons are back...
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