Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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