Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
