i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
