she woke up with a sticky ear
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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