Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
