At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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