So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
