..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize