you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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