What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
