She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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