evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
We just shotgunned beers for America
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize