Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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