none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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