Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
