My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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