I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
