so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
