I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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