The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
