he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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