I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
