after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
