honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
oh yeah. preciate
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.