oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude