How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships