hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
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I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
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sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from