I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
39 Memes Anyone Who Cries When They See Their Bank Account Will Relate To
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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