porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
And my parents said I crawled through the house
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?