I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus