at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
