I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Randomize
