woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
he fucked my hip out of place.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
