Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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