So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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