dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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