All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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