I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
