Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
