If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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