You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
