I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
home. puking in laundry basket.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
