...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
