There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Randomize
