I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just forgot I was standing up.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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