I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
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So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
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What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye