I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
Me, myself and I
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog