The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
