I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
