I wish I could teleport
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
